• Author Lily Dorland

Feedback? That only leads to problems!

I cautiously ask about the times that he really voiced his opinion and this resulted in a major fight.

For the sake of convenience, I also ask about the people who were ever fired from their job for giving feedback about another person's behavior and the effect this behavior had on them.

Luckily, no one.

"Yes, but..." someone said, "then they won't like me!". We started an almost philosophical discussion about "what does being liked mean," "what is the benefit of being liked," and "why is it so important for you to be liked."

And then? If they don't like you for a while? What then?


Some thoughts are very factual, like: "I'm too angry or irritated right now to talk about the issue calmly," or "I don't know exactly how to express myself." But the biggest part of what you tell yourself about the consequences of the feedback that you give, is not very logical and certainly not factual.

You may have been in situations when you would have liked to have given feedback but didn't. Or you didn't respond as delicately as you would have liked to, due to nerves.

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Think about what you said to yourself before you wanted to give feedback. That seems easier than it sounds. We don't often reflect on what our beliefs – or in this case our limiting beliefs – are.

Challenge your thoughts by thinking: "How true is this thought? Is it logical to think this way? Do I have evidence that speaks for or against this thought? What is the worst that can happen? And then?".

If these are rational thoughts, count to 10 or prepare properly for what you really want to say. Are your thoughts less rational? Then keep questioning yourself until you've summoned the courage to give the honest feedback that you wanted to give.

Author: Lily Dorland

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